


one time when there were some mufins dead.

by littlemissthirdrail



Series: Bad Bang III: The Series [9]
Category: Cats - Fandom, Historical RPF, Sherlock - Fandom
Genre: Deliberate Badfic, Gen, M/M, Multi, bad bang iii, trigger warning for words, warning death of mufins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 03:44:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3235055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemissthirdrail/pseuds/littlemissthirdrail
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some legends are told<br/>Some turn to dust or to gold<br/>But you will remember me<br/>Remember me for centuries<br/>And just one mistake<br/>Is all it will take.<br/>We'll go down in history<br/>Remember me for centuries<br/>Hey, hey, hey<br/>Remember me for centuries</p>
            </blockquote>





	one time when there were some mufins dead.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Mycroft Holmes and the Case of the Missing Muffin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3215111) by Anonymous. 



The great Doge of Venice was mightier than all things. 

Such mighty.

Most power.

He hungered deeply for mufins….. the flavor of the mufin did not matter, be it banana or vanilla or lemon poopyseed or orange or corn or blueberry or chocolate chip or red velvet or sour cream or orange or bran or *****RANCH DRESSING** or onion or red delicious which are the crispest mufins in all of mufindom.

"SLAVES"! The Doge of Venice cackled from where he rested recline in the Dog Mahal TM patent pending available in three easy payments of $ 127.95 plus applicable taxes. Bring me all the mufins in the land I require the mufins it shall be illeagal for any but I the mighty doge to feast uppon their tender mufin meats".

All the mufins in the kingdom were killed in their sleep and their delicious mufin carcasses were brought to the doge who ate them with great relish.

The people of Venice cried and rent they're clothes and mourned ", mourned the loss of their muffins. 

And soon the glutinous doge he had eaten all the mufins. It was like the holocaust but with mufins.

"MOST MUFINS!" He smirks. "SUCH DELIVERED UNTO ME."

"But Lord Doge", pleads his slaves. "There cannot be any more mufins you ate them all."

"MUCH LYING!" Shrieked the doge. "VERY DISOBEY. MANY DECAPITATION!"

So the slaves seeked far and wide for the mufins to sate their dread leader.

And that if how they discovered the legend, a legend of a far-off kingdom called England who had all the mufins a doge could desire and then some. 

"Great doge," said his most favorited advisor. "We have found the mufins you seek. They are on an island nation that is guarded by the fierce monster Banderflick Cabbagepatch."

The doge laughing in their faces says, “nonsense. I don’t believe he exists.” 

The mighty sorceror who lived in the doge’s clock he warned the doge that the Housatonic Flunderbuns was in fact a deadly scourge and warranted his fear, but nay, the doge, that devil, he snuck into England in the night under cover of shadows and he ate all their mufins. 

Every.

Last.

One.  
He eats so many mufins that he becomes huge like a giant balloon doge, a million feet high and also wide and he squished the people in the streets.

Their screamings awakes the greatest of great police officers Mr. Les Trad of Scotland Yard, who thought it was all very mysterious and he gets out his magnifying glass and then his name tag which he likes to turn backwards because it has his legal name, Lesley on it and everyone makes fun of him for having a girll name ad not a boy name. 

Les runs out into the street so fast he forgot to put on his people costume so now everyone can see he is an obctopus. He doesn’t even notice. This one guy is like hey man WHERE ARE YOU PANTS but les bites him with his poison octopus beak and leaves him dead in the street because now he can he the cries of his beloved from across the city.

HIS BELOVED! is the super in-charged guy Mycroft who is basically secretly controlling all of England and also he wears suits. But Mycroft has LOST HIS MUFIn because the doge had eated it all.

He was crying so hard for his mufin, he was so lost and forlorn because you know his mufin was not an ordinary mufin it contrained many state secrets of absolute import and without it the whole world would die. 

But no the mufin it was eated.

He went on a quest also with his cat, and he remembered his pants so then when he saw Les he was like “Les why do you have tentaclues?” And Les waggles his tantacles at Mycroft and says “oh sugglebottoms I have always been an obtopus.” 

Mycroft was stymied by the revelation and he could not believe it also. But they had to go rescue the mufin which was deep in the dark stomach of the doge.

So they made Mycroft’s cat grow to giant size and rode away on its back waving their swords in the air which is when they met Hawkeye and an alive gummy bear. 

“But you never told me you were an octopus,” Mycroft cried. 

“I know my love,” said les. I was afraid you wouldn’t love me if you knew the truth about my suction-cupped bottom half.” 

It was indeed a very dark and dreary day for the two lovers but then they went to 221b Baker Street and said the incantation that awoke the Frumious Bandersnatch. 

The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame, came whiffling through the tulgy wood and burbled as it came. People were chasing after it angrily with pitchforks because it was getting married and horrible monsters from the deep are not supposed to have weddings, they are supposed to get slain by heroes. 

Anyway Buttercup Stimblepunch ate the doge, but the doge was so huge from the mufins that Patangruel Fleaslechoke exploded all over Mycroft’s suit and the dry cleaning bill for that was very large and it really was never the same after it got back there was something a littlecrunchy about the fabric and it just didn’t have the same sheen. 

“But my love,” said Les. ‘Please you must forgive me my decepticon because I never meant to hurt you.”

“I suppose it can be forgiven said Mycroft wittily. “But i am mostly disappointed that you have so many appendages and you have never done anything sexy with them.”

“Here,” says LES. “I found your mufin.” And he gave back the mufin that the doge had swallowed and also brought all the murderef mufins back to life and send them home to live with their families unless they didn’t like their families in which case they were allowed to adopt new identities and disappear and start over because Mycroft was very powerful and influential and did that for his brother at least three times a year. 

Then they kissed. The end.


End file.
